I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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