Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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