I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
