Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
