He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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