I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
