Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
