someone get that fucking seahorse.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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