considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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