that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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