A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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