were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
