my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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