I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
