oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
