ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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