My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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