so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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