One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
