I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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