To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
