your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Never joke about your clitoris.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
