Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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