covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
