what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
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I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
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I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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