that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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