i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
