did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
