Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
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Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
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Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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