you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
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