try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just pee around me
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
