i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
