Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
