Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
