can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
