he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
