I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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