Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
