Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
