btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Randomize
