Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
