I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
