I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
