Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
