She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
