he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
