Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize