A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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