i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
