Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
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apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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