I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
