Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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