Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
