let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
