I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
