tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
