I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
