I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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