I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
