So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
