i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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