He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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