and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
