If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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