well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
