Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
