If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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