I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Randomize
