Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
