I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
