I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Your cock deserves a montage
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
