I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
