It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
