Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
