The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
