Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
